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This webpage is provided for informational purposes only. It is not legal advice. If you are considering or involved in a divorce, please consult a licensed attorney who can best answer your questions and represent your interests.


Oftentimes divorce disagreements about homeschooling fall under one of two categories.

Money

Getting divorced costs a lot of money. If you wind going to court, each party could face attorney fees of $20,000 or more. Even if you can negotiate a settlement with your ex, the idea of leaving your house behind and loosing half of your retirement funds can cause great anger.

You can understand the level of frustration a parent feels when they see their divorce as, "I've lost my house. I've lost my kids. I'm living in a cheap apartment. And my ex doesn't have to get a job because of homeschooling."

Control

Lots of finger-pointing happens during a divorce, wanting to assign blame for the failed marriage. You'll often hear, "I'm not going to let my ex win - even if I lose everything."

It's hard to think of divorce as a win-win situation for any of the parties involved. However, approaching your divorce with a conquering attitude will usually result in you loosing out on some of the more important issues.

Listen For the Problem

Only you know the history of your marriage and why it's broken up. If you've dealt with an abusive partner, then most of these statements will not apply to you. However, for most married couples, a lot of fear fuels their speech during the early days of their divorce. The words may be saying one thing, but if you listen closely, you may hear the underlying message.

  1. "I'm not going to pay for homeschooling so you can stay home with the kids all day long."
    What's really being said: I've lost my financial security and I'm scared and resentful.

  2. "I don't want my kids learning that crazy Christian material."
    What's really being said: I've never been 100% comfortable with our differences in religion and now I'm scared you're going to alienate me from my kids by making me into some kind of anti-religious monster.

  3. "I never really wanted you to homeschool in the first place."
    What's really being said: I'm carrying a lot of resentment because I haven't always been able to stick up for what I believe in, within our marriage.

  4. "You're not smart enough to teach the kids anything past 5th grade."
    What's really being said: This is a personal attack meant to demean and belittle the homechooling parent. In many cases, it's one spouse continuing a cycle of hurtful comments that the two adults have been exchanging for years. Or, it's a deep expression of pain of the spouse's on feelings of inadequacy. If you are a high school drop-out or did not continue with any formal education past high school, a judge will take this statement very seriously as an argument against homeschooling.

  5. "You keep the kids locked in the house all day and they have no social skills."
    What's really being said: Usually this is a mean-spirited scare tactic that plays into the public perception that homeschool kids are not properly socialized. It's an accusation used by an attorney that is sure to get plenty of attention from the judge. If you can document that your kids have regular and daily social opportunities, then you have little to fear from this accusation.


  6. How you respond to these types of statements will depend upon how well you can stay calm. Hearing such hurtful remarks from your former spouse may cause you to want to lash out and be spiteful in return.

    Working with an attorney who understands homeschooling will help keep discussions and negotiations moving forward in a respectful manner that keeps the kids' educational best interests at the forefront.

    Working with an expert witness who can testify on behalf of a homeschool family can also help your case. Contact Maryland Hand In Hand Homeschool to discuss how we can be of assistance to you in your case.


    The information on these pages is provided for informational purposes only. It is not to be construed as legal advice or counsel.


                     

 
Monday
October 23, 2017

 

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